I made some great progress in March! I am very grateful for it, and wanted to share it.
I haven’t had a job in over ten years due to health issues, primarily chronic pain. After about the first year I was on Disability, they sent me a massive reevaluation questionnaire to fill out, asking minute details of my daily life. Filling it out was grueling. I knew they’d send me another one sooner or later.
I started studying Christian Science again about five years ago. I’ve made great progress, and feel much better. One fear I’ve worked on is a fear of healing, partly because I don’t know what I could do as a job, but also because if I am able to work, I will lose both my income, which would be replaceable; and my housing, which is not just my apartment, but a community – so not as easy to leave.
In February I finally got another form from Disability. Thankfully, this one was much shorter, but it still required me to look in detail at matter. It asked to list every appointment I’d had in the past two years, and the reasons. (I was glad Christian Science Practitioners could be included!) My answers didn’t fit easily into the “yes/no” format, so it was not easy to complete. I felt a lot of pressure about filling it out “right” – I was afraid if I said the wrong thing, they’d put me thought an extensive review, which I don’t want, then possibly cut me off and I’d have to move, and try to find a job before I felt able to do so. While I am making good progress, it’s at my own, sustainable pace – I don’t want to be forced back to work before I’m ready, and have a fear of getting worse again if that happened.
As I worked on the form, I started feeling worse. Pain increased dramatically; then my stomach started hurting too, and I couldn’t eat.
With practitioner support, I worked on letting go of my fears, got the form completed and sent in, but I still felt very bad. The breakthrough came when listening to a Sentinel Audio Chat, “Healing for every illness – even ‘incurable’ disease” with Barbara Vining. At the end, a woman had written in who had a disabled son. He had started studying Christian Science, and was concerned about losing his disability benefits by finding healing. Her response was exactly what I needed to hear! She talked about how God is always providing for us; that of course we want to be productive and help others, and part of healing is finding ways to do that; and as we do, avenues which we haven’t even imagined will open up, and we will be compensated for those. It’s a natural progression – God always meets all our needs!
Hearing it spelled out so clearly was the breakthrough I needed. I was able to relax and go to sleep. I let go of that fear, and quickly felt much better. Physical and emotional tension melted away, inflammation subsided, and congestion drained. I felt my place as God’s beloved child. I have been much more relaxed ever since, and open to my next steps (which have included working on a spreadsheet to determine how any income will affect my current benefits). The practitioner also reminded me that, no matter my situation, I can always work by praying for others, so I am focusing more on doing exactly that. I am so grateful to know I can count on God to meet all my needs!
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