Two quick post-Association healings:
1. When we were meeting, I hit my arm hard on the chair arm. I refused to let it sit in my thought, thinking I can't possibly be harmed right after Association, especially not with you sitting right there! That worked for a bit, but it started to hurt again, so I had to re-assert: no harm can come to me. I was on a spiritual journey, and can't be in any way harmed from that. It's a lie. I had to re-assert again, especially after seeing a large bruise with a scratch down the middle, but I did, and it stopped hurting. Now there's just a little line on my arm, and I know that will disappear as well.
2. As I was at the outside door of my apartment to take Rico out, I had to adjust something on his harness. When I stood back up, I hit my head very hard on the door handle. I immediately began denying that any harm could come to me. I used the Scientific Statement of Being to assert my complete spirituality - no matter! I focused on God's love, no harm can come to me ever, especially since I am completely spiritual. I did touch my head to be sure I wasn't bleeding - I didn't want to run into anyone on our walk and have them freak out! But I wasn't, so Rico and I went on out, and had a lovely walk - no after effects!
I was so grateful for our meeting this year! The testimony about the immediate results of daily prayer for self hit home - although I KNOW it's very beneficial, it's been challenging to get myself to do it. Hearing another's experience is helping me be motivated to follow through.
Something else that was reinforcing after a tough year was to hear someone else say she dealt with a recurring claim in thought I've had too: “I can't do this.” I can't say the number of times that came to me in the past year. Although I don't wish hardship on anyone, it was nice to hear I'm not the only one dealing with that! And, WE can't, of ourselves. But, God can. So with Her help, we persevere.
I've had a problem with my left foot and ankle that has come and gone for months now. I've prayed about it off and on, and it would improve, but then I'd “overdo things” and it would get worse again. I resisted the idea of wearing a boot on it for many reasons, but kept using various braces for support. I'd decided if it wasn't better after Association, I'd wear the boot. It felt like a failure. So I prayed about it.
Two things came to me. One was that I was already looking to matter for help by using a brace or wrap, so it wasn't a huge difference in scaling up to the boot. More importantly, I realized I was afraid that the church board would make me stop working in the Reading Room while I was wearing it! I saw that thought as an imposition - seeing them as unloving and judgmental. So that helped me stop judging myself, too. I will keep working on healing while wearing the boot.
I am grateful that every year, my Association trip gets easier. The physical issues I've had after all the travel have lessened a lot, but are still there somewhat, and I'd left with things more chaotic than normal due to my trip being preceded by several days of refrigerator repairs culminating in its replacement, and having had to clear out under my bathroom sink so the trap could be removed and an item recovered that had fallen down the drain. I'd made a breakthrough over feeling overwhelmed before I left, but it seemed to be slipping away as I looked at how much further behind I'd gotten - plus, my foot was bothering me. I'd asked my brother to come over and help while he was in town, but got it in my head that he wasn't planning to do it, and started feeling worse. I started thinking he was judging me too, maybe thinking I didn't deserve help, that I should be able to do things on my own. Then I caught myself. I knew that was a wrong thought, it was wrong to see hm as judgmental - and, I'd have the help I need, God provides! My brother did in fact come over and help get a great deal done, including a project that's been outstanding for years. And, I did not allow those error thoughts to sabotage me any more!
It's always so great to be at Association! I'm so grateful for the spiritual uplift, including the chance to spend time with everyone, sharing our path in CS.
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