For many years, I have worked diligently on gaining a more spiritual view of church, especially as it relates to membership in a branch church. I have made great progress in this area. However, in June 2014, I withdrew from all church activity, and made a commitment to re-take class on my own at home, reread and study Science and Health and the entirety of Prose Works. I yearned for a deeper life and felt that going into the closet for a year with the idea of deep study would help me achieve it. This work was satisfying and was bringing me new insights.
Then, during the first week of January 2015, my closest Christian Science friend and my Christian Science teacher, both relationships of many decades’ duration, passed away within 3 days of each other. Over the next few weeks I began to experience deep healing around the concept of “Father-Mother”. These two individuals I had been close to had nurtured me as a father and a mother during my relationships with them. Now I was called upon to understand in a new and deeper way that my Father and Mother (God) were always with me and could not die. This brought a healing of residual grief about the passing of my own human parents, in addition to the passing of these two significant individuals. This healing was vivid, not simply intellectual. I felt I was at home with my parents throughout every day.
However, over the next months, I began to experience times of grief and also physical challenges. It became clear that this grief had to do with my teacher’s Association. I worked with a practitioner daily. Deep healing began to unfold within my consciousness over the true meaning of the concept of Association. During this time I re-read one of my old Association addresses from the 1970s entitled “The Church Militant and Triumphant”. In the meantime, attending the Emra Farkas Association in May began to come into focus as the right step for me. There were several periods of healing of grief around not being able to see my own teacher at his Association from now on. This sense of loss was completely healed during the first few words which Caryl read at the May meeting. I began to feel grief once again and my eyes began to fill with tears. I thought, “Oh no, not now”, and then I felt the presence of my teacher behind me saying, “I’m right here.” The healing of grief was instantaneous. Once again, I was able to fully realize that there can be no separation between the ideas of Divine Mind, and that the arrangement of God’s ideas, and the bonds between them, are held permanently within Divine Mind. A Christian Science Association is an expression of these spiritual arrangements and bonds.
After the May Association meeting, I quickly experienced a major shift in my consciousness around church. I realized that Association is a Manual activity, and that the Manual is part of the Revelation of Christian Science. Therefore, I cannot be separated from Association or teaching. This brought me to a realization of my present membership in the Church Triumphant. I am now, have always been, and will always be a member of this church. This brought healing of a sense of division with The Mother Church. I was able to watch the Annual Meeting for the first time. The thoughts expressed perfectly aligned to my own view of our mission as Christian Scientists. The next day I listened to the online Mother Church service for the first time. That same day I subscribed to the periodicals for the first time in decades and began to read them. Again, I experienced inspiration. Then came subscribing to The Monitor, with like results.
A few weeks later, as I was struggling with another challenge, I heard a voice speaking to me during my daily treatment, which said, “You are on the Rock.” I began to reason scientifically about this statement. Mrs. Eddy writes that the church is founded on the Rock, Christ. If the Rock is Christ, and Christ is Man (my true self, your true self, and all of spiritual creation), then the Rock is Man including all of spiritual creation. Therefore, The Church Triumphant being on The Rock, means that the Church is within Man, not Man within the Church. This Rock excludes everything unlike God. It includes all that is the image of the Creator. Therefore, whatever challenges I face, or anyone faces, including governments, individuals, the planet, and so on, have no place on The Rock. These challenges or limitations cannot exist there.
Again, this expanded a few days later to the concept of Sanctuary. I realized as I worked with my own problems and the challenges in the world, that everyone was seeking sanctuary, a safe place. Obviously, this concept is central to the history of church, which was a place one could go to claim sanctuary, even as a criminal, and not be touched. It also relates to the “holy of holies”, the deepest part of the temple, or in more recent times, the room where church services are held. As I read about Cecil the lion being drawn out of the sanctuary in Africa and killed, I began to apply this concept to the entire spiritual creation. We are all in a state of Sanctuary, dwelling on the Rock AS the spiritual creation. I also related this to Mrs. Eddy’s definition of Ark.
I am so grateful for the May Association meeting. The journey that began for me in June 2014 with my desire for a deeper sense of my own being and my own life has been filled with challenging situations that required a deeper response. The May Association meeting and my preparation for it in following through with all of the assignments, has played a central part in the answer to my desire, and it continues to do so on a daily basis. I had a huge demonstration on the way to Association this year. The main health issues I’ve been dealing with for over ten years are back: pain and “fibromyalgia” which results in full-body aches and amplifies other pain. It has been very difficult to ride in a car for very long, and requires much stopping and stretching. I plan my trips to Madison in two steps, with a day of rest in between each way (which also gives me a chance to visit my brother).
The preceding Friday, I’d ridden about three hours each way to visit my aunt, who had come in from Albuquerque. As part of our visit, we walked around the zoo. There was also a lot of in-town driving. After I got home, I was in a lot more pain, and although it wasn’t bad during the day, sleep was very difficult. The day before I left, I called a practitioner for help and it finally yielded.
The first leg of my Association trip found two major construction delays on top of rain delays. I further stressed myself by worrying about arriving during rush hour which was allayed somewhat when my brother told me it wouldn’t be an issue. I spent the whole trip praying an listening to hymns and Christian Science music - barely keeping my stress at bay. When I arrived at my brother’s, two hours later than planned, I was exhausted and in a lot of pain - unable to go hear him read the Wednesday meeting. Instead I stayed home and gave myself a treatment. I called a practitioner, but was actually glad she didn’t call me back because it forced me to step up and address the situation myself, and rely more directly on God.
I spent more time in prayer the next day, but basically felt fine - I’d stood up to and broken the mesmerism.Which was a good thing, because on the second leg of my trip, I wasn’t paying close attention and my new GPS decided that going through Chicago rather than around it was the shortest way. I was enjoying the drive and the interesting sights, thinking "this doesn’t look familiar…” The upshot was a nearly two hour stretch with no break. I finally just had to get off, so I thought, I just have to trust God to keep me safe! It turned out to be a nice little neighborhood and I was able to figure out where I was, walk Rico, eat lunch, and proceed on. By the time I got halfway to Madison,I’d expected to be there already, but I held on to gratitude that I was at a point where the detour did not have to mean suffering. I finally arrived about two hours later than planned, and am happy to say I suffered no ill effects.
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